Mapping Your Network: Strong, Weak & Dormant Ties

In the last two sections we covered why relationships matter and the give-first mindset that makes them work. Now we get practical. Before you can grow a network, you need to see the one you already have. Most people carry a vague, fuzzy picture in their head ("I know some people…") and that fuzziness is exactly why good relationships quietly fade and good opportunities slip past. This section gives you a clear map: the different types of relationships you hold, which type does which job, and a simple way to audit what you've got so you know where to put your energy.

Let's start with the most important idea, then build up to a hands-on audit you can do today.

The three types of ties

A "tie" is just a relationship between you and another person. Sociologists (people who study how society works) sort ties by strength — how close, how frequent, and how emotionally deep the relationship is. There are three kinds you need to know.

Strong ties

Strong ties are your close people: family, best friends, your co-founder, the handful of people you'd call in a crisis. You talk often, you trust them deeply, and they'd genuinely go out of their way for you. Strong ties give you support — emotional backing, honest feedback, and people who have your back.

Weak ties

Weak ties are acquaintances: a former coworker you bump into twice a year, someone you met at a meetup, a friend-of-a-friend. You don't talk much and you're not close. It's tempting to dismiss them as unimportant. That would be a serious mistake.

This is the famous "Strength of Weak Ties" finding by sociologist Mark Granovetter (1973). He studied how people actually found their jobs and discovered most found them through acquaintances, not close friends. The reason is simple once you see it: information you can get from a close friend, you probably already have. The fresh stuff lives one circle over.

Dormant ties

Dormant ties are relationships that were once strong or active but have gone quiet — an old colleague, a former classmate, a mentor from three jobs ago. You've simply lost touch. These are the most undervalued asset in your entire network, and we'll come back to them in detail.

An important nuance: "weakest" isn't best

Popular advice oversimplifies into "weak ties always win." The real picture is more interesting. In 2022, researchers from MIT, Stanford, Harvard and LinkedIn ran a massive experiment — roughly 20 million people over five years — and showed Granovetter's idea was causal (the weak ties actually caused the job moves, rather than just happening alongside them). But they found the sweet spot was moderately weak ties (people with whom you share around ten mutual connections), not the very weakest strangers and not your closest friends.

They also found a twist: weak ties helped most in digital and higher-skill industries, while in less-digital fields, stronger ties often worked better. So the practical lesson isn't "ignore close friends." It's: don't neglect the middle layer — the acquaintances you have some history with. That's where opportunity concentrates.

Your three circles: inner, working, and wider

A simple way to organize all of this is to picture three circles around yourself. (These map loosely onto Dunbar's layers — the idea from anthropologist Robin Dunbar that humans can only maintain about 150 meaningful relationships, nested in layers. Treat 150 as a useful rough guide, not an exact law; some researchers debate the precise number.)

• Inner circle (~5): the people you turn to in a crisis. You contact them very often. These get the lion's share of your emotional energy — research suggests people spend roughly 40% of their social effort here (an average, not a target).
• Working circle (~15–50): people you collaborate with, learn from, and see regularly — partners, key peers, active mentors. Contact is weekly to monthly.
• Wider network (~150): meaningful relationships you keep alive with light, occasional contact — a few times a year is enough.

The hidden goldmine: reactivating dormant ties

Here is the single highest-return, lowest-effort move in this entire guide, and almost nobody does it: reconnect with people you've lost touch with.

Researchers (Levin, Walter & Murnighan, 2011) had busy executives reach out to dormant contacts for real work advice, then compared it to advice from their current contacts. The dormant ties delivered advice rated as more valuable and more novel. Why? Because a dormant tie gives you the best of both worlds:

• Leftover trust. Unlike a brand-new acquaintance, there's already shared history. The trust battery is partly charged, so it's quick and easy to ask — and to believe what they tell you.
• Fresh information. Because you've been apart, they've met new people and learned new things you haven't. They carry novelty, just like a weak tie.

How to reconnect well:

• Lead with giving or catching up, never with an ask. ("Saw this and thought of you.")
• Don't over-apologize for the gap. A long, guilt-ridden apology centers you; a brief "it's been a while!" plus genuine warmth centers the relationship.
• Reference a specific shared memory, then ask one sincere question about them.
• Offer an easy out: "No need to reply — just wanted to send a good thought your way."

Auditing your current network (do this today)

You can't manage what you can't see. A network audit simply means listing the people you know and sorting them, so the fuzzy picture becomes a clear map. Here's a 30-minute version.

1. Dump the names. Open a spreadsheet (or a notes file). Skim your phone contacts, email "Sent" folder, and any social or professional accounts. Write down everyone who comes to mind — don't filter yet.
2. Tag each person by circle. Add a column and mark each one Inner, Working, Wider, or Dormant.
3. Add two human details. For each, note how you met and one personal thing (their kid's name, a project they care about). This is what makes future contact genuine, not robotic.
4. Spot the gaps. Look for patterns — and that's where the diversity check comes in next.

Check your network's diversity

A network where everyone looks like you, works in your field, and lives in your city is a comfortable trap. If all your contacts share your information bubble, none of them can hand you anything genuinely new. The strongest networks act as a bridge across "structural holes" — gaps between groups that don't normally talk to each other. The person who connects, say, the design community to local print-shop owners holds a real advantage, because information and opportunity flow through them.

We'll cover where to find these new and diverse people in Section 5, and how to build a system to keep them all warm in Section 8. For now, the win is simply seeing your network clearly.